Why do I push my partner away?
- 29 July, 2022
When we find love, it feels like we finally belong somewhere. Love is the safe place where we can rest our heavy heads on a stable shoulder and share our innermost thoughts, joys and worries. It can feel like finding home again, after walking around blindly in the dark.
Love can come as a surprise and bring a feeling of how lucky we are to have found it
Love can take you to a place filled with peace and stability. It gives us the courage to look another person in the eye, and give them the opportunity to carry your heart for a while.
So how is it that you can feel the urge to push the people you love away? It starts with you becoming a little irritated with them. Then you might not answer them for a couple of hours purposely, or maybe you are unusually short-tempered with them.
You could come across as annoyed and generally seems unavailable to the person that you love. Its confusing and can seem volatile to them. You’ve completely flipped the script and none of you understands why.
Giving your love away to another is one of the scariest things you can do. It’s an investment that can double in a short time, or plummet without a warning.
We take chances in life, and love is one of the places where we take the biggest ones. You can lose money, jobs and friends. That can always come back or in other forms. The risk of falling in love is that if you first let someone drop your heart on the floor, it will never be returned in the same condition.
You will learn from it, and with the experience comes a different perspective of yourself and your story. You become more empathetic over time. But is the ultimate biggest risk to your emotional life. It would be strange if you weren’t affected by that risk.
That is why we are afraid to love
Loving someone is more than just about them. It’s about you too. Love is like looking at yourself in the mirror, with another person standing on the other side.
Few people look at themselves in the mirror and see the best version of themselves. We see our mistakes, our flaws, and the things we don’t want to admit to ourselves. That protects us from the outside world.
Most of us have been conditioned to believe that our worth depends on what we do. How we can look, what we earn and how we can impress the world around us. But this foolery can distract from what the inner voice is telling you.
There are many people who find it difficult to accept love. It may sound incomprehensible and something of a contrast. Love is not straightforward and uncomplicated and neither are people.
So what do I do about it?
We all have the right to decide who we want around in our lives. You can choose how close we want to be to them. But whether you’re a recluse or the centre of the party, pushing the people you love away can be a sign of deeper issues.
If you think you’re showing signs of pushing people away as a way to take care of yourself, think again. Is it a way of dealing with past experiences? Take the time to focus on yourself and your feelings to determine the real issues.
Overcoming a fear of intimacy can be as straightforward as having a few difficult conversations. This may involve a longer journey. Either way, honest self-reflection is the first step toward deeper, more meaningful relationships in your life.