The three things that make you undateable
- 24 August, 2022
In my time as a matchmaker, I heard many stories. Several of them were about the reasons why my clients thought they were single. Let’s say that some of them were better than others.
After hearing countless of these stories, it turned out, that there were some things that they all had in common.
They went on dates regularly, but none of them lasted over time.
They often had something going on with someone, but it often ended up running into the sand.
After they had been on a date, they often came home exhausted and with a flat feeling in their bodies.
You’re not really bothered
You probably think that you are open to new people, and potentially meeting a new partner. But looking back, how many times have you not cancelled a date?
You may have been tired and wanted to save yourself the trouble. Your experience has told you that you could end up being disappointed, so you would rather stay home.
That is completely normal.
Most people spend an enormous amount of energy getting to know a new person. It takes courage and patience to allow a person to get close to you. There is a vulnerability in dating that can be scary to disarm. Some people would rather eat nails than risk getting hurt.
If you feel like this, DON’T DATE.
Nothing good comes from forcing yourself out the door. Instead, fill your time with things that genuinely make you happy. Here, you can start to notice when you feel the most relaxed and comfortable in your own skin.
This is the best mental space to be in, in order to interact and connect with others in an authentic way. Anything else will be exhausting for you in the long run, and you work against your best interests by not taking care of yourself.
You don’t want to seem like you’re trying too hard.
Being single these days comes with a privilege. There really are opportunities to meet potential partners everywhere. Location, age and profession do not count, and with a single swipe, you can be in contact with a new potential date in no time.
Your options seem endless, and you can enjoy the thought that your soulmate could be right around the corner.
However, there may be a flip side to this. Having everything available to us, everyone can seem temporary. People become interchangeable all of a sudden.
If there’s even the slightest thing you don’t like about someone, you can find someone new and pretend the other person never existed. When you look at it this way, why would you ever bother trying?
It’s one of the things that holds people back. They don’t want to give too much of themselves as there is a possibility that people will disappear. It can leave you with a feeling of disappointment and frustration as your expectations are set high.
But think about the people who fill up your life. The ones that you love the most.
What was it like meeting them?
What did it feel like getting to know each other?
I’m guessing that you didn’t spend a split-second thinking how long you should take to answer.
Dating should be no different. It’s just as much about meeting people that you feel comfortable with. So stop intentionally waiting 6 hours to reply to a message.
You have the opportunity to show the way how you would like to be treated. So be considerate, be nice, and behave.
You are mean to yourself.
This is one of the biggest reasons why you are not very dateable.
It’s not just about you being critical of yourself. Your behaviour, what you have said, and what you wore. That is the least of it all.
What is prominent about this character trait, is that it has a tendency to bleed into other areas of your life. It’s not conscious, and you probably don’t even realize it.
But I can tell you that if you put yourself down, it’s a safe bet, that you’re going to do the same to the person you’re dating.
No one wants to be with someone who makes them feel inadequate.
So before you lay on the sarcasm, think about whether it’s coming from the genuine place. You are a good person, but your insecurities act like rat poison on love.
Fast, efficient, and with death as a result.